Tuesday, February 10, 2009

I HATE VALENTINE'S DAY!

Forced to have a Valentine this February 14?

Another PAGAN celebration...


One would ask:
"But Jobert, Isn't February the month of love? And the 14th is the day of love?"


SCREW YOU.

February is not the month of love, nor is March nor June. And what do you mean by "the month of love?" Is this the ONLY month wherein we show love to our loved ones? I don't get it. February 14 is a curse, it's corrupted like our government. It's a curse for men, women and a curse for "single" individuals out there who get singled out because they are single..wow..that's kinda redundant..sorry. Anyway, this is their fault anyway, but let me discuss that later. Let's start with February 14 as a curse.

In reality, it's worst that Friday the 13th. Feb 14 is probably the suckiest day of them all as it appears that everyone, including the ones who live in caves go out and celebrate this commercially induced pagan occasion.


Let me show you...


1. Traffic here, traffic there, traffic everywhere! -
Yes, it looks like the dogs were let loose, the legions were released, the water in the dams were let go, even the convicts in the penitentiary. It's worse than a Friday pay-day kind of thing! WISH YOU JUST STAYED HOME!


2. I need to eat and I can't because everywhere I go, it's jampacked! -
Yes, even the
carinderia is jampacked! It's crazy and it's retarded! Only restaurant owners, hotel owners, motel owners, Cinemea owners, $ LOVE $ Valentines day. Ask their employees, they hate it! Imagine the load of work multiplied by 10 and the salary is still the same! WISH YOU JUST STAYED HOME!

3. Valentines Day Shopping -
Just like the Holiday shopping you had back in December, YOU WERE FORCED. Admit it. Do not be a hippopotamus nor a hippocrite. YOU WERE FORCED and WILL BE FORCED to buy something for your boyfriend (who has another girlfriend), your girlfriend (who has another girlfriend too) and that "something" must be pricey. It's like watching TWILIGHT, it's a nightmare. WISH YOU JUST STAYED HOME!

4. Mush - With a mush mush here, mush mush there, here a mush, there a mush, everywhere a mush mush....It's worse than Sleepless in Seattle!

5. The crazy things people do for this day - Yes, people do crazy stuff everyday, but February 14 tops 'em all! Let me show you some crazy things people have done during this cursed day:
  1. On the night I knew he was coming home after a long trip, I dimmed the lights and lined the floor with lit votive candles, from the front door to the bedroom...where I lay in waiting. (unfortunately, we had to move out, the house burned down)
  2. I made him a video of me taking a shower while talking and singing to him. (you can now see this in every scandal site)
  3. I bought a package of glow-in-the-dark stars from a hobby store and scanned a few on my scanner. Then I printed and cut out the scanned stars and applied them with the glow-in-the-dark ones to the bedroom ceiling. When we climbed into bed and turned out the lights, the glow-in-the-dark stars spelled out "I love yuo" across the ceiling. (I was dumped because she found out I didn't know how to spell)

STUPID: "I shaved my back for Valentine's day"

As promised, let's tackle the issue on "Single" girls and boys during this day. Single persons out there.

DO NOT FEEL BAD

Remember, February 14 is just any other day! It's just like your birthday nobody cares! No really, it's just a typical day.

NO BIG DEAL.

Single persons feel bad during this day when it's supposed to be the so called "Month of love". However, all media outlets and the society focus on the singles, singling them out.. haha!


YOU WILL NOT BE "COOLER" IF YOU'D HAVE A VALENTINE's DATE THIS FEBRUARY 14.

BID DEAL!

FOR THE SINGLE LADIES:


Don't get affected by it, if you do, then you deserve it, LOSER. And don't ever think about listening and sulking in to love songs. If you choose to do this, then you deserve to suffer. And I hope you remain single the rest of your life! It's PATHETIC!

It's like when you have a cold sore and you intentionally put hot sauce on it. It's like when you have a cut and you when you put alcohol on it, you don't blow on it. You just cry.
Again, it's all in the mind, do not let society, nor your best friend (who by the way is going to have candle lit dinner with his HER cheating boyfriend on Feb 14) pressure you and make you feel bad.

Remedy? STAY AT HOME..have pizza with the family! Have more quality time with your dog. Or better yet, sleep! At least you get to save money and you can dream of anything you want like watching a Hanna Montana concert or something.


Hey, at least you did not get fooled by the illusions of flowers and chocolates.


It's not worth it.


FOR THE SINGLE FELLAS:


Single ka? Tapos nagdadrama ka? BAKLA KA BA?


Oh you are? My bad, then it's okay for you to look out the window and listen to mushy songs while the tears flow on your fat cheeks and ask yourself a million times:
"bakit? bakit?"

If you're not gay, then you have no reason to feel bad. You have no reason to feel bad being single during Valentines. Being a guy and you feel bad on Febraury 14 will only mean you are gay.
You should celebrate because you get to spend money on yourself or with your family!

Remedy? NEVER go to single parties this day. Usually they set up single parties or single nights during Feb 14. NEVER and I mean NEEEEEVER attend these types of parties. You'll only get disappointed.

Single parties are the last resorts of rejects.

Believe me. It's more like a loser night or loser's event. I know you're single and ready to mingle, but don't do it there. You'll just encounter butt ugly women, psycho bitches, kobolds and orcs. So don't go all nike on it.


It would be better to do something productive. Go to the Casino! Where everyone loves you!

YES!

Play baccarat (that's lucky 9 for those who have less than 30 IQ), blackjack, poker, the slots with the sluts (yes they have plenty, especially when you are winning..damn vultures), Craps (yes, the casino has a game called craps), the roullette and big or small. Or you can just kiss ass a winning player so you can get
balato. Well, at least you have more money.

Another fun thing to do during the Valentine's is to annoy dating people.

YES!

Continually text them or give them a miscall. Ruin your friend's date for making you feel bad this day! Or be a nuisance to your female friends and send them corny jokes continuously. Surely their date will also be infuriated.
If you do not have the load nor the line to do that because you're dirt poor, then what you can do is to www.meatspin.com and test you endurance.

CONCLUSION:

I can say without any drop of hypocrisy in my blood that I still think Valentine’s Day is a curse and it sucks bigtime.

If you love someone, go and show it to them all year, do not put on a "special shitty show" for Birthdays, Valentines and Christmas.


Now, if you want to take an excuse to show "love" and "celebrate" this damned day, then proceed, loser!–I’ve have no problem with that.

Just do not expect me to do it any more today than any other day.


"Jobert, I believe that Valentine's does suck. There was this time, I gave my girlfriend flowers and chocolates. After that she broke up with me... Was it my fault that I can only afford sampaguita and Choc-Nut? Bakit? Bakit? Bakit? Huhuhuhu...."

4 comments:

Anonymous said...

(who by the way is going to have candle lit dinner with his cheating boyfriend on Feb 14)
-okay, so does this mean, GAY yung bestfriend? :))

i might follow what you say. you really make sense.

JOBERT BALBASTRO said...

Wow!

Is this you Mrs. Capistrano? I remember you gave me a C- in English back in HS! Anyway, thank you for proof reading. I should give you a "prize" soon.

Yours truly,
Jobert

PS. I never cheated on your exams, but my seatmate did.

maui said...

oh... i am not your english teacher. im just a fan of your blog. :]

so what's my prize? :D

JOBERT BALBASTRO said...

Oh, I thought you were...LOL.

I'll keep you posted...

jobertoholics around the world