Wednesday, September 24, 2008

I HATE SANTA CLAUS

HO HO HO!
I HATE SANTA CLAUS !


Watch out for Santa's hands!

I hate him because HE IS NOT REAL.

(Is that even possible? I remember.. I got this classmate who once said "I do not believe in God, but I believe in his words." ang galing diba?)

Anyway, I hate Santa mainly because he does not exist.

PARENTS..
WHY TEACH YOUR KIDS
SOMETHING THAT IS NOT TRUE?

(this will excempt parent lawyers, some religious leaders and politicians)

It was Daddy you saw kissing Santa and not Mommy.


Shame on you..tsk tsk tsk....
Be a good boy! or you won't have presents from Santa this Christmas!
(According to studies made by Wanbol University, blackmail using Santa Claus is effective among kids)

When I grow up and have kids, I will tell my kids that:

(got this for P150 in ebay.ph)



Yes, I do not want them to live a lie.
The world is already full of it, why contribute?


Ahh pot-bellied Santas raiding the metro! Coming this December!


My reasons?

1. My kids will be free of debt during their childhood.

Remember before when you were like Grade 1 you would debate with your classmates about the existence of the man in red? Then one fat classmate of yours will go "If I can prove that Santa is not real, akin palage ang baon mo everyday!" --This is why I will prevent myself from wondering why my son is so StarvinMarvin-thin even if I already gave him a liter of Combantrin. (yes, it rhymed)

No chimney, No presents.

2. My kids will be free of debt when they grow up.

Yes, the "baon everyday" will evolve into "1 million pesos". I do not want some gun totting 30 year old guy, going in front our our house shouting "Magbayad ka ng utang mo! Hindi totoo si Santa! Lumabas ka diyan!"

--I'll save my family from shame. Imagine, I corrupted the mind of my own son..my own blood, lying to them all these years and telling them that a fat guy, in a red suit riding this sleigh pulled by reindeers with their leader named Rudolfo Reynoso with a red clown nose leading the way gives gifts during xmas eve by going thru the chimney even if we do not have one. I will have to lie that we have a chimney....I cannot take that.



Subas Herrero/Minyong inspired Santa


3. My kids will be free of disrimination and torture:

My kids will not be ganged up by Santa non-believers..yes it happens. Believers get isolated and they get ridiculed for believing in Santa. You do not believe me? read below:

This is a transcript from my dog's favorite rapper, Andrew E. this is his song entitled "Walang Santa Claus " which basically reveals his dark childhood:


"Minsan ako ay nasa eskwela,
oh yeah
Kasama ko ang barkada
Kami'y nagkukuwentuhan
Lahat ay masaya
Kasi Pasko malapit na
Christmas parties at mga regalo
Naaalala ng barkada ko

And so I said, "Nakalimutan n'yo
Si Santa Claus na aking paborito"
Napasigaw silang lahat,
"Andrew,
Ikaw ba'y nilalagnat Tol, hindi siya totoo Simbolo lang siya ng Pasko
Si Santa Claus ay kathang-isip
Para sa mga batang maliit"

Ako'y binara ng aking ka-eskwala
"Santa Claus! ha ha ha patawa ka"

okay stop bopping your head.


TRUTH HURTS
BUT IT WILL SET YOU FREE...
KIDS, THERE IS NO SANTA CLAUS

(if your parents insist, make a lifetime bet on it, say a 35% increase in allowances every year, and get it retroactively once they confess that Santa is not real, then give me a measly 10% of it okay?)


No presents for lil Tommy this Christmas

2 comments:

Eros said...

If God didn't exist, it would be necessary to invent him.

I'm not against this whole idea. It gives children an opportunity to discover themselves if Santa's real or not.

JOBERT BALBASTRO said...

Santa is not real my friend, The tooth fairy told me that!

jobertoholics around the world