Monday, September 29, 2008

I HATE THE BORACAY SAND CASTLE

I HATE
THE BORACAY SAND CASTLE


I may be cute, but a destroyed sand castle is cuter!

99.97% of people who go to Boracay or have been to Boracay, have in their possession: The picture of The Famous Boracay Sand castle. Yes, the one you see inside your friend's myspace, friendster. multiply or facebook account.

We are cool!
Yes!
Your friend has this pic in his/her profile and that makes him/her cool.
NOT!


The white note reads: Do not touch...but it does not say, do not piss.


It's pathetic. Sand Castle...duh.
I'd rather spend my leisure time at the beach taking care of green turtles than making a sand castle. And don't ask for donations from people getting their picture taken with your errr house made out of sand!

Get a life! Go save some whales, dolphins or corals! Do not waste your time making castles!

Faster Ivanhoe! The barbarians are coming!



But wait, It's "THE" BORACAY SAND CASTLE!
So what?

Sorry to break the news, it's not special!

No kings nor queens, no prince charming, no knights, no maidens...NO MAIDENS!

No drawbridge, and possibly no moat with alligators swimming in it.

BORING.

Not like these works of art:


My Dad is gonna kill me......after he gets out.


CIA: Who smiles, dies.


So..Ibong Adarna is no legend after all.


I see my purpose..my mission for the coming months...
I'll go over there this summer, and I will bring my weapon of choice on how to destroy this castle.


There is no spoon...


and this is how I am going to do it.



Why? you ask me?

Because there is only ONE castle that belongs to the beach.
And this is "THE" Best Sandcastle I've ever seen.


World record: built in just less than a second.


So what's good about it?



THESE SAND CASTLES
ARE MADE TO BE DESTROYED!
When I grow up, I wanna be King Kong!


I'd rather juggle 3 live sea urchins while singing the macarena in public than be seen with this Boracay Sand Castle.

THERE IS ONLY ONE CASTLE
I RESPECT AND ADMIRE,
AND IT'S NOT A SAND CASTLE.


IT'S CAMELOT!

Sorry, this is not the one where Sean Connery aka. King Arthur bangs her wife Guinevere.



IF YOU DO NOT AGREE WITH ME,
I DO NOT CARE!!!
JUST LIKE THE REFEREE IN THAT

"the" ATENEO - DLSU UAAP FINALS.

Wednesday, September 24, 2008

I HATE SANTA CLAUS

HO HO HO!
I HATE SANTA CLAUS !


Watch out for Santa's hands!

I hate him because HE IS NOT REAL.

(Is that even possible? I remember.. I got this classmate who once said "I do not believe in God, but I believe in his words." ang galing diba?)

Anyway, I hate Santa mainly because he does not exist.

PARENTS..
WHY TEACH YOUR KIDS
SOMETHING THAT IS NOT TRUE?

(this will excempt parent lawyers, some religious leaders and politicians)

It was Daddy you saw kissing Santa and not Mommy.


Shame on you..tsk tsk tsk....
Be a good boy! or you won't have presents from Santa this Christmas!
(According to studies made by Wanbol University, blackmail using Santa Claus is effective among kids)

When I grow up and have kids, I will tell my kids that:

(got this for P150 in ebay.ph)



Yes, I do not want them to live a lie.
The world is already full of it, why contribute?


Ahh pot-bellied Santas raiding the metro! Coming this December!


My reasons?

1. My kids will be free of debt during their childhood.

Remember before when you were like Grade 1 you would debate with your classmates about the existence of the man in red? Then one fat classmate of yours will go "If I can prove that Santa is not real, akin palage ang baon mo everyday!" --This is why I will prevent myself from wondering why my son is so StarvinMarvin-thin even if I already gave him a liter of Combantrin. (yes, it rhymed)

No chimney, No presents.

2. My kids will be free of debt when they grow up.

Yes, the "baon everyday" will evolve into "1 million pesos". I do not want some gun totting 30 year old guy, going in front our our house shouting "Magbayad ka ng utang mo! Hindi totoo si Santa! Lumabas ka diyan!"

--I'll save my family from shame. Imagine, I corrupted the mind of my own son..my own blood, lying to them all these years and telling them that a fat guy, in a red suit riding this sleigh pulled by reindeers with their leader named Rudolfo Reynoso with a red clown nose leading the way gives gifts during xmas eve by going thru the chimney even if we do not have one. I will have to lie that we have a chimney....I cannot take that.



Subas Herrero/Minyong inspired Santa


3. My kids will be free of disrimination and torture:

My kids will not be ganged up by Santa non-believers..yes it happens. Believers get isolated and they get ridiculed for believing in Santa. You do not believe me? read below:

This is a transcript from my dog's favorite rapper, Andrew E. this is his song entitled "Walang Santa Claus " which basically reveals his dark childhood:


"Minsan ako ay nasa eskwela,
oh yeah
Kasama ko ang barkada
Kami'y nagkukuwentuhan
Lahat ay masaya
Kasi Pasko malapit na
Christmas parties at mga regalo
Naaalala ng barkada ko

And so I said, "Nakalimutan n'yo
Si Santa Claus na aking paborito"
Napasigaw silang lahat,
"Andrew,
Ikaw ba'y nilalagnat Tol, hindi siya totoo Simbolo lang siya ng Pasko
Si Santa Claus ay kathang-isip
Para sa mga batang maliit"

Ako'y binara ng aking ka-eskwala
"Santa Claus! ha ha ha patawa ka"

okay stop bopping your head.


TRUTH HURTS
BUT IT WILL SET YOU FREE...
KIDS, THERE IS NO SANTA CLAUS

(if your parents insist, make a lifetime bet on it, say a 35% increase in allowances every year, and get it retroactively once they confess that Santa is not real, then give me a measly 10% of it okay?)


No presents for lil Tommy this Christmas

Saturday, September 20, 2008

I HATE YOUR SHUTTER SHADES!!!

Shutter Shades is the next stupidest fad/"fashion statement" I have ever seen, next to getting your collar popped..







First, it does not make you cool, it makes you look like something else.. (CLUE: D_MB)




Second, when you drive and when you walk, you can't even see the road!!!
What is the point?
The point is..you are stupid.




Third, they were only cool when they were first released (80's), just like the Eraserheads.(errr..90s)



Fourth, it makes you look like her.
A SLUT


ONLY KANYE WEST IS LEGAL TO WEAR
SHUTTER SHADES.







HE MAKES THEM LOOK COOL
AND YOU ARE NOT KANYE WEST.

jobertoholics around the world