Wednesday, December 30, 2009


2010 is fast approaching

A new blog will launched next year.

Check it out next year!

Some info about the new blog:

1. if this blog is the north pole, the new blog will be the south pole.
2. if this blog is blue, the other one would be green.
3. if this blog is eat bulaga, the other would be wowowee.

Monday, December 28, 2009


I cannot believe this blog won an award..


"most annoying blogger

And I can't believe I'm doing this.

But since I was given an

Well I guess I'd have to do this.

First, I want to thank the

Girl With Glasses

who gave me this award.

Sometimes you just have to wonder, what if she takes her glasses off? Will her blog change its name automatically? I guess not, because we don't have that technology yet. And if you even thought of the answer, it only means you're stupid.

By accepting this award, few questions must be answered.
(Wow..I'm really doing this)
  1. Your hair? Bushy..
  2. Your Mother? Currently addicted to farmtown.
  3. Your Father? Does not know about this blog.
  4. Your favorite food? Sushi
  5. Your dream last night? I had a boxing match with Krista Ranillo (I lost)
  6. Your favorite drink? Water.
  7. Your dream/goal? To be your reality check.
  8. What room are you in? My command console center.
  9. Your hobbies? Blogging and People watching.
  10. Your fear? Chuck Norris.
  11. Where do you want to be in 6 years? Inside your head.
  12. Where were you last night? stayed up all night looking for UFOs.
  13. Something that you aren't? A fan of twilight.
  14. Muffins? No. I am not your cat.
  15. Wish list item? Nuclear bomb.
  16. Where did you grow up? Quezon City.
  17. Last thing you did? Farted.
  18. What are you wearing? Nothing...but clothes.
  19. Your TV? Its
  20. Your Pets? I got 3 Dogs and 3 Marsupials.
  21. Friends? They love me..especially when Xmas is getting near.
  22. Your Life? excitingly boring.
  23. Your Mood? Hating on everything.
  24. Vehicle? A big white horse.
  25. Something you're not wearing? A bra...
  26. Your favorite store? Any..with pretty sales ladies.
  27. Your favorite color? Black and White.
  28. When was the last time you laughed? When I saw this big guy carrying her GF's bag.
  29. Last time you cried? When I thought of Chuck Norris.
  30. Your best friend? Pandoy.
  31. One place that I go to over and over? The washroom.
  32. Facebook? Still thinking if I have to create an account for this blog.
  33. Favorite place to eat? Table..with plates of course.
I am passing this award to the most educational blogger i have ever known...


Tuesday, December 22, 2009



No, I'm not talking about former president Ferdinand Marcos. Just like last year, the reasons still remain why I hate Santa Claus.

click HERE to go back in time.

i love my work

Just to add, here is another reason...

He is a perv.

sit still tommy..

Yes. Why would a stranger, an old guy who just appears only once a year obligate kids to sit on his lap just to get what they want?

People got mad at Michael Jackson and R. Kelly, but they never did complain about Santa.

Talk about being unfair.


He cheats.

daddy is in saudi...

Ever wonder about the history of the song "I saw mommy kissing Santa Claus" came about? It did happen to the creator of the song, Tommie Connor. No, it was not his was Santa. Yeah!

"Aren't we forgetting the true meaning of Christmas?
You know... the birth of Santa."

Friday, December 11, 2009

I hate it when you say "THE" Ateneo


*Para sa mga hindi marunong magbasa, basahin ulit yung nasa itaas ha..basahin ng mabuti* Nabasa mo na yung title? naintindihan mo?
Kung hindi pa, basahin mo ulit...
okay na? Understood na ba? Okay.. proceed below:

As per Wikipedia: The Ateneo de Manila University (also called "Ateneo de Manila" or simply "the Ateneo").

What is so simple in adding "the" before the name of your (to you, "the") school?

Common sense tells us that it's shorter and simpler if you just say "Ateneo"
Who are we kidding?

is already a fine institution which has produced the finest leaders in our country...

and his best friends: Czarina Gloria Macapagal-Arroyo and Czaritso (sic) Mike Arroyo came from "the" Ateneo.

Jose P. Rizal is the most-famous and foremost Ateneo alumnus.
(o bawi ako ah!)

Beat that!
(You can't! Know why? Because your school does not have any "the" before it!)

***But by adding "THE" before the name of the school is like adding insult to injury. Just like what Wesley Gonzales did to that prick Mac Cardona back in the days when the Green Archer juggernaut got blocked 2 times in his attempt to win the game just before the buzzer.***

I use THE shampoo! And you don't!

So the question lingers:
Why add "THE" ???

Wala lang!

Just to separate "Us" from the rest of the population.

Heaven and earth
Pula at puti
Light and darkness
Eat Bulaga and Wowowee
and so on...

Jobert Balbastro thinks that it's crazy... simply, its "the" elitistic-ego-booster.

Let us analyze...

The statement 1: I am THE Man.

what it means:
1. Term used to describe an individual who holds authority over another, such as an employment supervisor or police officer.
2. Term used to describe an individual who has achieved either a great accomplishment, or who is viewed as being an altogether good person.

Translation: "You suck"

The Statement 2: "I study in THE

what it means:
I study in the best damn school ever, which is Ateneo.

Translation: "You suck"

Okay, now I think you get the picture.

I just don't know where they got it. Even back in the 80's and even in the 90's, Ateneans did not put "The" before the name of the school.

I just hope they did not get it from the "rival" school "DLSU"

Guys, its NOT
"The La Salle University"
"De La Salle University"


"Have you heard about "THE" joke?
Why is THE sky blue?
Because God is an Atenean
Why is THE grass green?
It is created by God to step on."

Saturday, November 14, 2009



Glee is defined as: malicious satisfaction.

I'd NEVER watch it, even if Megan Fox begs me to watch it with her in the nude.

I'm sorry Megan, you lost me at "Glee"


Factoids ala Joberto:

If you like GLEE, then there is a(n):

1. 86% probability that you can't sing nor dance so you just watch it on TV and pretend to be like them.

Jobert rules!

2. 92% probability that you'd brag this in your Facebook or twitter. I mean, c'mon..who cares? It will only make you stupid. Who the hell cares man?

3. 80% chance that you have copied the way they dress up and how the characters sing. Honestly, its annoying.

4. 95% chance you are also a copycat.
There goes the country...

5. 100% chance that you are GAY. And when I say gay, its not gleefully happy gay. It's "i love edward cullen and twilight and shark boy" kind of gay

You "suck"

"Question: What's sicker than stepping on your own poo and loving it?

Answer: Watching glee with a smile on your face. "

Monday, November 2, 2009





First of all, she's not a tailor...
she's pretending to be a singer.

Second, she's not swift. She's really (sloth) slow.

Even in facebook!!!

If she was really swift, she would have avoided...or at least made a big comeback on Kanye.

Swallows are swift. (don't get funny ideas)
Sometimes, justice is swift too.. (outside the P.I.)

But Taylor?

Duh...What's happening?

She's tailored to be slow...

"Let me repeat... I'm sorry, but Beyoncé had one of the best videos of all time! One of the best videos of all time!"

Sunday, November 1, 2009

Halloween: I see DUMB people instead of DEAD people.


It's that time of the year AGAIN..when people can legally make themselves look stupid. NOT COOL!

It's the time of the year wherein people dress up to be ghosts, zombies, politicians, etc. NOT COOL!

It's that time of the year again, when you hear people say "HAPPY HALLOWEEN" wait...
mejo i-analyze nga natin mabuti....NOT COOL!

That's what I don't get... Ano ba ang masaya or happy sa Halloween?
Yung mag costume ka?

Kids, let's analayze kung bakit "Happy" ang "Halloween":

Siguro nakuha yun sa mga Gay parade, kasi naka costume din sila..tapos diba, "Gay" also means happy?

Look! It's Mary Poppins!

2. By wearing costumes, may role-playing....Hmmmm....

Think before you do

3. Maybe its some sort of psychological therapy, parang make believe stuff. Like, you know that you'll never be like Superman or Spongebob, you'd dress up like them and for one night, people acknowledge you as the real deal. Parang ego boost na may kasamang schizophrenia.

4. Free candies, dahil walang pambili. No thank sa economy.

5. Legal mag make-up yung hindi makapag make-up. Lalo na yung mga "Metrosexuals
". Ginamit pa yung term na yun, eh alam naman natin kung ano sila.

ulol cats

I just hate it when people celebrate this demonic stuff.

C'mon, it's the holiday of the enemy!

It's Satan's holiday!

And yet you, people celebrate it?
one way ticket sa dagat-dagatang apoy. haha!

No wonder your kid looks good in that devil costume..

Man, Halloween is no's 100% trick.

(Treat sya sa nagbebenta ng costumes and nagbebenta ng candies)

I'm used to seeing people around me who make a fool out of themselves. Pero kapag Halloween, parang "stupid pa-cool-people convention."

"I think The Jehova's are the coolest people on earth... Jehovah's Witnesses do not celebrate Halloween because they believe anything that originated from a pagan holiday should not be celebrated by true Christians. Take that Pope Benedict!"

Bago nyo ako kulamin, basahin nyo tong "cool" link na nakita ko. Click HERE

Thursday, October 8, 2009

I AM NOAH..and alive.

Where is Aquaman when you need him?*

Do not worry Jobertoholics.

I am alive and well. What's killing me is my day job. Man I hate my 9 to 5!!

Get ready for more hating out...

*thank you Flesh Asia Daily for the image

Friday, August 28, 2009

I don't like the house in the movie "UP"


Mom..can I pee on the clouds?

If you have seen the movie "UP" then you know what I mean. I'm not impressed with that house in the movie.

Here are my reasons:

1. It's crappy and it's old so it breaks easily-
When it hit rocks it was like chopping wood. Pieces would fall and fly off. It was crazy. I'd never ride that kind of a flying residence.

10,000 condoms were used in this film

2. It may look funny, but it's not really entertaining - Hohoho.. balloons make it fly. DUH! One match can ruin it all. Or one bb gun, or one slingshot. Verdict: WEAK.

"I counted the balloons! 10,000!"

3.It does not kick ass -
No weapons. No shield. No monsters in the attic. It doesn't even have a computer in it. No phone. No internet. No cable. No bathtub. It's CRAZY.

Better and/or alternative houses:

The Flying house -
It's faster. It has a time machine. It's fire proof and is also shock proof. People living in it banged with the hebrews, chilled with jesus, fished with the apostles and saw Adam and Eve naked. Now beat that old house.
Thunder does not scare Corky.

Monster house - No more pesky electrolux guy to bother you. No kids who sing xmas carols even if it's like a month away. No solicitation from village kids who don't have enough money to buy their own basketball uniforms. This house protects itself. No need for a guard dog. This house kicks (and eats) ass.

"The only house that needs tictacs."

Whorehouse - No explanation this house licks ass....I mean kicks ass.


"A room is a still a room, even when there's nothin' there but gloom
But a room is not a house and a house is not a home. When the two of us are far apart. And one of us has a broken heart
.... Okay I think I need to stay away from the videoke."

Wednesday, August 19, 2009


I hate it when you
step on the yellow tile in the MRT.

I'm bad(ing)ass! I break rules!

Not because I care for you, (it won't happen) but because its a green light for the guard to blow his horn...err..whistle, and for the stupid recording (yeah to warn stupid people like you NOT to step on the yellow tile!) to go on and on and on like that energizer bunny.

What will happen if I kick this guy?

"Maybe they're hardcore Marcos they have fun stepping on anything that's colored yellow---That one liner is so corny that I want to jump off the tracks...not!"

Sunday, August 16, 2009


Do you wear your cap like this?
If you wear your cap like that, then screw you..haha! kidding.. don't worry that much, you still have a chance to save your life. A 1 in a million chance, but that's better than nothing.

There are 3 things you can do:

1. Read a book
- Yes, stop malling, stop slacking, stop hustlin` and start reading. What book? One should start reading the book that will be useful, a book that will help you with your life. Do not read "Purpose driven life", it's a ripoff. One should be reading "How to wear a cap for dummies" or "How not to make a fool out of yourself".

2. Be a train engineer - Only train engineers are allowed to wear hats like that.
GO and apply in PNR now!

Mom, it's legal to wear this stupid hat!

3. Wear a dunce cap - It's cool and unique. At least you won't be an eye sore...and you can even use the pointed hat as a weapon. ONLY COOL PEOPLE WEAR THIS CAP! So go for it!

I'm the coolest!

pandoy says"As you can see..I wear my cap properly! And hell yes, I can rhyme too!"

Wednesday, August 12, 2009


2010 Presidentiable wannabes:

Damn I hate that Mar Roxas political Ad!

Who do they think they are fooling?

Those are theater actors! Well, some of 'em.

If you want to make an ad "realistic", use REAL people!

Gayahin nyo si National Artist Carlo J. Caparas! HAHA!

Topless with my hardtop down..cruisin...

I wonder who your campaign manager is...just wondering, I do not want to be him or her.
Just like his commercial before,
"Mr Palengke"-- the fat lady there is a theater actress!
I feel insulted by the commercial.

It's like getting bukakked with stupid.

Typical Trapo commercial... Drama shit, Full of BS..

Hey, MAR.. I'M SICK OF IT. The style?
Use what I call "The Filipino Weakness" So what is it?

It's old people, and a small kid and drama in a palengke setting.

Parang Wowowee lang.

"Wag kayo matakot..Lalaban tayo..."
What a stupid tagline.

Better taglines for him include:
"Kung corrupt ka, ikukulong kita!" or this:

If you feel his political ad strikes you and touches your heart....
then I pity you.

May Zeus' lightning strike the ass.
I said ass...not head...mmmm...ass..

Damn Trapo...

Speaking of TRAPO...

How about Manny Villar's commercial?
It's too orangey for me.

Kala ko Sunkist commercial eh.
eto po ang Aga Muhlach ng Tondo..

I like his Voltes V commercial more.
The new one he has...well "akala ko maganda..ang panget pala!"

the style?

Target the youth, use a song from a band. And use the color orange.
And then add a little "that's my boy" pose.

Sorry, you won't get my vote...

Unless reroute a hi-way en to our home so we can get paid..just like you did. =) missed my house by this much!

Why can't his commercials be like..err..Bayani Fernando's?

maginoo pero mejo bastos



Roll out!

Winning tagline: "Babayaran ko ang utang ng Pilipinas"

"I don't know what to say...I'm too distracted..Damn that Lady Gaga..."

Sunday, June 21, 2009

I HATE SANTINO - "May Bukas Pa"

I hate the kid...and the show...

Okay, I'll make up reasons why I hate the kid and the show.

1. His mouth is bigger than mine! - Chicks dig this, and I guess Santino beat me to the punch.
say "MANNA!"

2. When we take a vote on what to watch, I always lose..People at home want to watch this crap. I'm still praying for the day the character dies together with the show.Ventriloquist... NOT

3. It's a ripoff, yes he will die just like the original film they copied it from. "MARCELINO" original..haha!

he dies in the end, goes to heaven END OF let me watch!

4. His name is too unique and bad ass!

Who names their kids ZAJIAN?

5. He attracts the finest women!!!

Partida na yan..supot pa yan.

"Jobert, you really have issues..this kid is so adorable and lovable! I think I love him already! Oh noh..I'm having my Michael-Jackson-syndrome again!"

jobertoholics around the world