HAHA!

OH MY GONADS!!!

The best "christmas gift" for that Twilight Fanatic.

Better watch out Twilight fools..err fans...Since ABS-CBN bought the television rights for the stupidly insane novel series... No, not Narnia.

ABS-CBN is going to localize this so called "(s)hit". No, they will not be showing the movie dubbed in tagalog/filipino, but a local production of it will be done.

Filipino originality at it's best! haha!
(Actually it's a clear bandwagonning thing...more of a strike while the iron is hot kind of thing.
Can I strike your head?)

Some twilight retard fanatics say this will just ruin the twilight story and original film. Umm, REALITY CHECK: actually it won't... You cannot ruin something that is already ruined!

It's crazy and yes, I do hate it.

It's like Carlos Agassi rapping and some wannabe rapper guy imitating how he raps.

I think this is a slap in the face for Twilight diehards (with or without brain).

I pity you guys and Gays...because y'all deserve it.

LOL.

"The best filipino vampire I ever saw on TV/movies was Redford white. The movie was "Darakula". He was tough, he was not afraid of the crucifix. I even have the poster below as proof that this movie was real. I remember eating balut inside the movie house in Quiapo when I first saw this masterpiece."

Redford is the only Vampire to use a crucifix, beat that!

I HATE TWILIGHT PART 2

Simply CRAP

Save your life!
join:

Twilight sucks!!!

I HATE THAT THING YOU DO WITH YOUR FINGER!

An alternative to your Christmas Lantern???

Star shadows: Creatively stupid

What has the world come into?
First there was the chastity belt. Then there came Popping of collars, shutter shades, "jump" shots, Twilight, and now this?!

Tonette! I told you to clean your hands first!

I think my friends, that the world is indeed nearing it's end (year 2012).
Some people may see this as creative stuff or cool shit.
Honestly? It's not.

Summoning the mighty Zoltan!

The scenario:

Stupid1: It's a boring day and I'm tired of watching Lip gloss and Gossip gir and reading Twilight. How about we do something really productive, creative and cool?
Stupid2: How about lomo photography?
Stupid1: Hmm, That's cool. But I want something really different! Think..Think..
Stupid2: How about we go to Embassy and take pictures of us partying, just to let people know we know how to party and we party at the coolest spots!
Stupid1: Already did that, My Multiply site and Facebook site is full of it...
Stupid2: Ummm, how about we jump and take pictures of it?
Stupid1: I only do that when I'm on the beach, girl.
Stupid2: Yeah, me too. How about we go to Serendra and make tambay na lang?
Stupid1: That would do! Let's make tambay in Coffee Bean or Krispy Kreme and do people watching!
Stupid2: You're so galeng! Call up the girls, I'll bring my DSLR camera and while we make tambay there and watch the people, let's combine our fingers to make a star!
Stupid1: How do you do that? I used to do it with a rubber band! But with fingers?
Stupid2: You're so volleyball talaga! We combine our fingers to create a star! It's like a human parol! It's Christmas season remember? It's gonna be coolest!
Stupid1: Should I have my nails done first?
Stupid2: Good Idea! You're so galeng!

-END OF A CONVERSATION.. YOU JUST WASTED 2 MINUTES OF YOUR LIFE-

Checkout the shoes!

"Whenever I see people do this kind of shit, I feel like taking one. Looking at pictures like these is like being bukakked with stupid."

I HATE IT WHEN YOU TUCK IN YOUR PANTS INSIDE YOUR SHOES

Spectacular...simply spectacular..

SPECTACULARLY STUPID!

It's sad.
I can't stand it, really.
Makes me wanna puke...inside your shoes!
It will never make you cool nor it won't give you tons of pogi points.
It will make you look that something is indeed wrong with you.
Not below, but up in your head.



C'mon..are there any horses around?
Do we have snow here and you're out snowboarding?
Are you an elf? or some ring bearer or some lil' Constantine on some SantaCruzan?
Stop this already!

Ohhh..I get it..so you want me, to see what kind of shoes you wear? Is that right?

STUPID SHOW OFF!

This is the way to show off your shoes!

the new smelly blings

So boys and girls, next time you see someone tucking in their pants inside their shoes, make them feel sorry for it. Grab a pitcher of cold water, pour it inside their pants. Then wait if water goes out from the bottom. If the water does not spill out, then worship the loser. If it does, shout out loud "So what's the use of tucking it in?!" (Then run or get a lawyer).


"I tuck in my pants inside my shoes when I clean the toilet or when it rains. I also do this when I clean the hacienda or the clean the stables where horses go eat, sleep and have sex. I think it's cool..I think it's cool to watch horses have sex, not tucking in your pants inside your shoes".

Meet Mr. Pandoy

Meet Mr. Pandoy....
He will be a new addition to the blog as he shares his insights (rational or not) towards what I put in here. A little background on Mr. Pandoy... He is the typical kapitbahay. He is Mr. Know it all. The Ayatollah of Information, The Icon of chismis and the Legend of Urban legends. Meet the enigmatic Mr. Pandoy....

I HATE THAT THING ON YOUR NECK

Even Emos get to wear em!

No, it's not your dead skin building up (Libag). It's your "color oriented" Neck Accessory.

Do you know what it's called?

It's a Keffiyeh also known as Shemagh.

It's not just the latest thing in fashion, it's also the latest eye sore.
Next to Pink shirts, Popped collars, and our favorite Shutter Shades.

So what is it?
Why are you wearing it?
Oh, you didn't know?
It figures, I can see you wearing that Che Guevara shirt. Do you even know who the guy is?

Correct! He is the brother or Tootsie! What a genius!

Let's go back to the uncool fashion storm that has hit the country like Katrina hit the US.

It's a SHEMAGH, Keffiyeh or your "stupid fashion statement" (So tell me, is this statement "I AM A MORON WHO WANT TO BE COOL"? )

People, read and learn...

It was Traditionally worn by Palestinian peasants, the keffiyeh became a symbol of

Palestinian nationalism during the Arab Revolt of the 1930...Increased sympathy and activism by certain Westerners toward Palestinians in the Israeli-Palestinian Conflict in the years of the Oslo Peace Accords and Second Intifada haveled to the wearing of keffiyehs as a sign of their solidarity with Palestine and the Palestinian people....

But now, some individuals wear them to be hip. Even if our country is so hot like pandesal left inside the compartment of your car. Or to be cool and to be like their idolized stars.

go watch your own sex tape!

Before, it was your Fauxhawk, now this? I should murder you already.

Can I whip your hip? and put some reality in your illusional coolness?

Can I simply strangle you with it?

Reality is this, it's not cool.
Hey, Mr. call center guy, it's not cool.
Hey, Mr. Gay guy, it's not cool
Hey, Mr. Self proclaimed fashionista, it's not cool.
Hey, Mr. Me-too, it's not cool.
Hey, Mr. Copycat, it's not cool.
Hey, Mr. Wannabe-trendsetter, it's not cool.

FAIL!

ONLY ONE GUY CAN WEAR A SCARF AND BE COOL

Cool as ice baby!

As for the Keffiyeh or Shemagh, Only one guy is cool in wearing this.

If you wear that in your concert, we will riot.

No, it's not Chris Brown.

BUT THIS GUY:

Yasser!

Too bad he's dead.

So what do I want you to wear? (nothing really)
I recommend a better neck accessory.
It will surely make you look like your're above everyone else.

Maybe it's time you hang out.

I HATE TWILIGHT

No reasons needed. You love it?
I HATE IT.

I HATE IT WHEN YOU TAKE PICTURES WITH DOGLAS

I hate it when people go to Baguio and take pictures with the infamous St. Bernard of Baguio. The so called coolest dog in the world...The name of the dog is Doglas, a very unique and creative name I should say.......oooohkay...

Stylin and profilin'..the coolest dog of the Philippines

He can be seen either in Mines View Park, Burnham Park or in the Botanical Garden.



Let me get this straight, I do not loathe the dog (yet), as he does nothing but profile and earn 10 bucks per shot. Cool job huh?

my future is so bright, I have to wear shades...

Hey!
At least he has a job, not unlike your 30 year old boyfriend.

Doglas: Rub me in the right place baby and I'd hit it from behind...

The thing I have is with the people who think it's cool having a picture with an adorable,big dog.
People, it's not.

It's like showing people how stupid you are. It's like its your first time to see a dog that big and a dog with that breed.

SIMPLY PATHETIC

Have you been livin' inside a cave? (with Yogi)

Doglas: get off me! I think I saw a cat!

Come on, go grab a Beethoven DVD. Go to Cartimar, or to Tiendesitas.

You do not have to go to Baguio just to take this picture, and it does not make you cool to make it a reason on why you went to the City of Pines.

I'd rather have a picture with a vulture or with a Hyena, or if it's in Baguio, an Ifugao native wearing Nike Air force ones and dancing the snap dance... now that is cool.

Or these pictures:

kanya-kanyang style lang yan.

magandang umaga bayan!

Oh, Just give the dog a bone.

Note from the Author: No dogs, kids, women were hurt during the making of this entry and during the taking of the photographs. Only egos were hurt.

I HATE "ANYWHOO"

Since humankind came into existence, numerous inventions came about. From the wheel to the vibrator... From the telephone to the pager to the usage of messenger pigeons. Human inventions are not limited to things you can touch (vibrator) or see (porn material), one example is Language...personal language in particular.

Language is one "invention" we cannot live without.
But there is one word I can live without:

"ANYWHOO"

Anyone knows what the hell it means?

Anywhoo is defined by Urban Dictionary as:

A more funky,radical and random way of saying anyways...

For example:

Anywhoo....watzup with you?

My definition of Anyhoo: STUPID

It's really used to impress the one you are conversing with, or someone who reads your loser of a blog that no one really reads. It's like the SHUTTER SHADES of language.

It's also used to make themselves look cool, appear cool.

It's Simply Stupid. Let me explain:

A-N-Y-W-H-O-O = 7 letters
A-N-Y-W-A-Y = 6 letters
A-N-Y-H-O-W = 6 letters

I hope you get my point, if not.. go watch Wowowee and never open this blog again.

So where is "Anyways" in the comparative study I have made?

Do not say or write "anyways".

The word is "anyway."

According to Tina Blue (An English specialist):

The form "anyways" is found in some dialects in the United States, but it is not standard English, and it should never be used in any situation where you want to be considered reasonably well educated.

Okay, so put out the violins and celebrate as you are considered to be "cultured" and "educated" by not using "Anyways" or "Anywhoo". Now we can watch Dallas, Dynasty and Falcon Crest. Hooray!

I HATE BADMINTON

If there is one sport that I will never love nor play, it is Badminton. From the root word "Bad", it is really that bad. It's not a contact sport so it's automatically BORING. The only thing you really get in contact with is with the ShuttleCOCK, so this game is automatically considered "GAY".

quit clowning around!

It's official: BADMINTON IS GAY

2 become 1

It makes you look gay and makes you love cocks. Women are the only ones who should play this sport, unless they are lesbians, they should be cleaning carpets on weekends. When the badminton craze hit the country, I said "more cocks will be hit this year.." and it was true, an average of 50,000 hits happen in one night alone. From call center agents/slaves to Managers to Government employees, almost everybody (with an arm), play(ed) badminton.

Who wear short shorts?

Office encounter:

Employee 1: Pare, san ka punta? bakit may raketa ka? Magtetennis ka ba?
Employee 2: Dude, pare.. I'm going to play Badminton later. Sama ka, it's cool pare.
Employee 1: Ha? Di ako marunong nyan eh, basketball na lang. Chaka, paano naging cool ang badminton?
Employee 2: Basketball? Sawa na ako sa balls dude, it's time to play with cocks naman. It's a sport for sosy people, it's the "in" sport now. You get to hangout with big people like the managers and supevisors, even artistas pare...It's fully airconditioned naman kaya it's cool, dude.
Employee 1: Cool? Aircondition? (gago pala to eh..) So playing badminton make you sosy?
Employee 2: Of course, dude! Only the elite play badminton!
Employee 1: Oh..di ako pwede jan..chaka kelangan ko umuwi ng bahay ng maaga at baka makalimutan nanaman magluto ng katulong namen dahil sa paglalaro ng badminton sa labas ng bahay..
Employee 2: Ahh..err...pare you heard na ba about this new movie coming? Dude, yung Twilight!
Employee 1: That movie sucks man.. It only appeals to teen girls, and the actual ‘plot’ is really idiotic.
Employee 1: Umm, let's talk about the NBA na lang..

Big Cocks will rock you.

But who really made this sport popular?
TV exposure? NO. A Hollywood movie? NO. Eat Bulaga? NO. A book! Harry Potter plays Badminton! NO. Piolo Pascual? NO. Sam Milby! NO.

Then who?

It's your dependable, underpaid Maid/Helper/Katulong. Our maid was the best player in badminton in our subdivision. She plays with other katulongs after doing her chores. They play outside, in front of the house to the delight of Construction workers and "boys". The funny thing is, there is no such thing as a score. They end the game when they are called back by their employers to cook dinner or when it's too dark for them to see the cocks.

Even Badminton was played by 16th century maids

For women only indeed

Conclusion: Women are the only ones who should play Badminton, Men...please stay away..if you love cocks, go for sabong.

I HATE THE BORACAY SAND CASTLE

I HATE
THE BORACAY SAND CASTLE

I may be cute, but a destroyed sand castle is cuter!

99.97% of people who go to Boracay or have been to Boracay, have in their possession: The picture of The Famous Boracay Sand castle. Yes, the one you see inside your friend's myspace, friendster. multiply or facebook account.

We are cool!

Yes!
Your friend has this pic in his/her profile and that makes him/her cool.
NOT!

The white note reads: Do not touch...but it does not say, do not piss.

It's pathetic. Sand Castle...duh.
I'd rather spend my leisure time at the beach taking care of green turtles than making a sand castle. And don't ask for donations from people getting their picture taken with your errr house made out of sand!

Get a life! Go save some whales, dolphins or corals! Do not waste your time making castles!

Faster Ivanhoe! The barbarians are coming!

But wait, It's "THE" BORACAY SAND CASTLE!

So what?

Sorry to break the news, it's not special!

No kings nor queens, no prince charming, no knights, no maidens...NO MAIDENS!

No drawbridge, and possibly no moat with alligators swimming in it.

BORING.

Not like these works of art:

My Dad is gonna kill me......after he gets out.

CIA: Who smiles, dies.

So..Ibong Adarna is no legend after all.

I see my purpose..my mission for the coming months...
I'll go over there this summer, and I will bring my weapon of choice on how to destroy this castle.

There is no spoon...

and this is how I am going to do it.



Why? you ask me?

Because there is only ONE castle that belongs to the beach.
And this is "THE" Best Sandcastle I've ever seen.

World record: built in just less than a second.

So what's good about it?

THESE SAND CASTLES
ARE MADE TO BE DESTROYED!

When I grow up, I wanna be King Kong!

I'd rather juggle 3 live sea urchins while singing the macarena in public than be seen with this Boracay Sand Castle.

THERE IS ONLY ONE CASTLE
I RESPECT AND ADMIRE,
AND IT'S NOT A SAND CASTLE.

IT'S CAMELOT!

Sorry, this is not the one where Sean Connery aka. King Arthur bangs her wife Guinevere.

IF YOU DO NOT AGREE WITH ME,
I DO NOT CARE!!!
JUST LIKE THE REFEREE IN THAT
"the" ATENEO - DLSU UAAP FINALS.