5 words Jobert Balbastro will NEVER use.

1. Weh - Sounds stupid. Really. 
2. Wagas - I don't know what it means and I don't want to know. 
3. teh - A gay lingo additive I will NEVER use. 
4. chorva - It can mean anything. Totally unacceptable. 
5. imba - An online game (Ragnarok-sucky game) influenced expression that means "imbalance" 

 If you happen to use at least ONE of the five mentioned words above. May Vishnu have mercy on your jolog soul.

I hate the words you use!

Okay, after posting "I hate you much" Jobert decides to add more words he hates and words that you can use instead. Cool eh?


1. Instead of saying "Ikaw na!" use: "Ang yabang mo!" --This is pretty much applicable in facebook or twitter. You know that instance when your "friend" brags about something and people just start saying "ikaw na!" To translate it, they're just saying na "ang yabang mo!" And to dissect it: ikaw na ang ano? Fuck. Kung sa pagsasalita may pambibitin, nagka blue balls na kami sa pagbasa nyan. "IKAW NA!"


2. Instead of trying to be cool in using "occupy" like: Occupy Wallstreet, Occupy Manila, Occupy my ass, it would be best to just shut up. Just use "terrorize" or "loiter"


3. Instead of using "baby bump" to describe someone who is obviously pregnant, just say they're pregnant...or just fat. No more sugarcoating.


4. Instead of using "crap", just say "shit" it sounds better, and if it had a smell, it would smell better too. Masyadong pacute ang crap.


5. Instead of blurting out "Seriously?!" (with tone), just shut the fuck up and listen. This is similar to the "weh" of the jolog orcs. In-english lang.


Okay, this is giving me a big headache. I need to fucking stop this right now. 

Say goodbye to your tattoo's credibility

You just killed it man!

astig points minus 1,000,000,000

I HATE CRANE GAMES

WHO THE F*CK ARE YOU KIDDING?

I hate Chris Tiu

I know..I know...

Probabaly after reading the title, you'd think and ask... 

"Bakit si CHRIS TIU PA?"

The answer: "Coz I can."

   TEN SEKANDS!

There is so much to hate on Chris Tiu. Behind the chinky eyes, goody goody look and his suckadorable smile, there is still something you can hate or I can hate for that matter.

1. His voice - I honestly wish that Chris Tiu gets circumcised immediately. Its way overdue. But I do understand if its a cultural thing if he won't. That's one thing this writer would respect.  Really.

2. He hates porn - Allegedly, he does. Which is crazy. He looks like a dick. Tryin to be cool and clean? Hypocrisy ladies and gentlemen. I think I know why he hates porn. HE had a cameo appearance in that I love you BheBhe scandal a few years back. Yes. Along with other players. No, he was not the one who made the video. No nudity as well. It was just a mixed up tape with him inside it. Partying and Makati I guess.

3.He is a poster boy for everything - Gaddam..Really.

4. He is a softy -  I remember Chris Tiu got banged up by Dennis Espino in one PBA game. He got injured. Hey, but that's okay. The problem is he was yapping it up on TV.  Even hollering at Dennis not to do it again. Grow  a pair will you?

5. FLOP - If you happen to have a life and follow the UAAP and the PBA or even Smar Gilas for that matter, and if you have at least 10% Basketball IQ and knowledge, you would never doubt and disagree the statement that Chris Tiu is a flopper. 

His/Her flopping style is VERY different from other PBA players who flop-a-lot like: Ronald Tubid (The King of Flop or the Fearless Flop), Jimmy Alapag (The Mighty Flop), Paul Artadi (Lightning Flop), and La Tenorio (THE A Flop).

OH SHIT I FORGOT..THIS GUY IS ALSO AN ACTOR.

I hate marathons

This entry is long overdue..No thanks to my day job. Yes, I do have a day job and it keeps me busy. It's more like a distraction in my blogging life.

ANYWAY, let me just say this: 

Running is the new Badminton.

You know how I feel about Badminton right?

Generally, running/marathon aren't really that bad. I mean, it's just running. But add along details like: "It's cool, it's the in thing now" makes me want to run without any clothes on.

I'd rather ride a bike than run.

You know why people are so into running? 

It's not because that its healthy, nor because its endorsed by a showbiz personality, like Derek Ramsey (no relation to the Pharaoh). People are going gaga over just because they just want to brag and show off. It's true, you heard it here first.

These people run because:

1. Just to be cool: Take their pictures taking while running, then post it in their social network sites like facebook, multiply, myspace and if you're still a loser, friendster.

2.They can't dance the running man.

3. No skills in basketball, volleyball or any team sport. Just run, no skills needed.

4.Getting ready for the zombie apocalypse. Hey, this can be useful when that happens.

5.They suck in badminton (which is a lousy sport).

6. Just to check out chicks, or men wearing short shorts.

7. To meet celebrities like Pacquiao, Derek Ramsey and Nonoy Zuniga..well Nonoy was not running, he was just watching.

8. They can't swim and go to Boracay and brag it in their facebook accounts, so they just run and brag about it.

9. Just to show off their new kicks..specifically, running shoes.

10.A lousy excuse to eat yogurt AND LOOK COOL even though it tastes like cat piss.

So there you go, 10 reason why this running fad is so popular nowadays. 

AND ALSO THIS:

YOU FREAKING PAY JUST TO RUN. 

ISNT THAT STUPID? 

CHARITY? 

CHARITY PEMPENGCO MY A$$.

RUNNING WILL NOT SAVE THE PLANET

RUNNING WILL NOT GIVE US WORLD PEACE

RUNNING WILL NOT CLEAN THE PASIG RIVER

Till the next Blog entry..Being a busy person, I gotta run.
(YES, PUN INTENDED)

Pacman knows

I HATE YOUR FAKE NERD EYEGLASSES

Damn..I hate your fake eyeglasses.

  

I can understand fake birth certificates, fake diplomas, fake boobies....

but fake nerdy eyeglasses?

I just don't get it.

Why fake the eyeglasses?

so you can look cool? 

or look intellectual?

or just because someone popular in school is wearing it and you want to be like him/her?

You know what, you look stupid.

If you wear fake eyeglasses for fashion, or just to be cool. 

Then officially, this makes you a genuine faker.

Stop wearing them or I may have to go smack your face while you're wearing one so that it be embedded on your face permanently. 

Then you have to thank me after.

"Kurt Rambis is the only guy allowed to wear nerdy glasses. He wears it because he needs it to score 200 points a game. He led the Lakers and have won 8 rings."

I HATE FRIENDSTER

Not really though, I just want to let you know, that I finally have a facebook account. 

CLICK HERE TO ACCESS MY FACEBOOK ACCOUNT 

AND BE A JOBERTOMANIAC!

Hating on: Pink shirt + your GF's handbag

And when you thought you have seen the worst... you get to see this abomination:

Fellas, c'mon..stop this foolishness.

It's not nice, proper, cool to carry your girlfriend's handbag.  Remember my post before?

It looks like this guy hasn't read my blog. 

His loss since this is the most educational blog in the net today.

PINK SHIRT+CARRYING YOUR GF's BAG = DISASTER

Good thing he didn't pop his collar, I would've stuck something sharp like a pen or a knife on both of my eyes just so not to see this prime example of failure of failures.

"I honestly thought penitensya was over.. I guess not. Now I have to stare at this picture for 6 hours and cry like a baby."

I HATE YOUR "LIST"

Simply stupid and selfish. I assume that this was made by girls who wanted their men to be their slaves. 

SORRY, It won't work for me! 

And guys, beware! Don't fall to this trap that you need to be the man they say you should be. 

BE YOURSELF!

Let's break down the list...

You're a lucky girl when you man:

1. FOLLOWS YOU WHEN YOU WALK OUT - What the? When you walk out, don't expect real men to follow you! Do a Talk n Text walk out and you'd get what you deserve. No, you don't get a fine of 1 million bucks, you just get to realize what a bad move it was since no sane guy will follow you.


2. CALLS YOU BACK WHEN YOU HANG UP - The question here is WHY? Why will men call you up when you hung up on them? So you can do it again? We ain't stupid.

3. HUGS YOU TIGHT WHEN YOU PUNCH HIM - Ain't this stupid? The only thing that will hug you when you punch me is a lawsuit! Or I'd let my sister who is a black belter in Shin to pain kungfu punch you in the face.


4. KISSES YOU WHEN YOU NAG - Nope.. Men, do not kiss your girlfriends when they nag. They may like it and nag even more!

5. WATCHES CHICK FLICKS WITH YOU , TOLERATES YOUR CRYING OVER LOVE STORIES- Okay..watch Basketball, Wrestling, Action films with Chuck Norris with us first, THEN we will watch you stupid chick flicks...Wait, since they are called chick flicks, they're only for chicks!


6. HANDS YOU THE REMOTE - For what?? The remote is no vibrator!


7. PASSES ON BOOZE NIGHT JUST TO LISTEN TO YOUR RANTING - Ladies, do not be fooled, we would only pass booze night only..and only if we do not have money.


8. KNOWS HOW TO SAY "I`M SORRY" AND ALWAYS TELLS YOU "I LOVE YOU". - I know how to do that... "I'M SORRY for reading this crap of a list..and I think I'd go back to my trusted BOOZE and say "I LOVE YOU to her". --Happy now????

"NOW WE CAN SAY, MEN ARE SELDOM MADE...SORT OF LIMITED EDITION" -  Yes..Men who would follow this pile of shit are seldom made alright! I tell you, this list is a disaster. It's sexist and it offends men! hehehe...

 "Feminism is the product of female selfishness, compounded by male chivalry."

I HATE THAT CLOWN!

Damn I hate clowns! 

Since I was a kid, I have been terrorized by clowns. 

Everything about them, I hate. 

The laugh, the nose, the color their skin and hair and especially the way they look at you. You just don't know if they'll be making you laugh, or they'll be stabbing you at the back.

Let me break it down to you:

1. The laugh- It's just creepy as hell. Combine the laugh of a hyena and a witch getting satisfied by her own black cat. That's how their laugh sounds like.

2. The nose- Clowns do not deserve to wear a red nose. Only Rudolph does.

3. The white makeup- They look ghostly with it. And nobody likes it.

 This is not a tomato.

4. The hair - Very unpredictable..They make Dennis Rodman look like an amateur!

Watch out for that laser gun!

5. Big liars - They lie big time, they may smile and feel happy for you, but in reality, they want to chew off your ear!

6. They have crazy names - Bozo, Bobo, Doink, Dink, Flunky, Pogo, Krusty and Payaso.

 Come to papa...

7. Clowns are evil - Remember this SCENE from Poltergeist?

If you love clowns,
it only means you're a clown!

But the fact that some geniuses were laughed at does not imply that all who are laughed at are geniuses. They laughed at Columbus, they laughed at Fulton, they laughed at the Wright Brothers. But they also laughed at Bozo the Clown.

THE ALTER-BLOG

Do not forget to visit the alter blog from time to time.

CHECK OUT THE REALITY: 
I LOVE WHAT YOU HATE!

"I'm a lover, not a fighter" 

NEW YEAR...NEW BLOG...

2010 is fast approaching

A new blog will launched next year.

Check it out next year!

Some info about the new blog:

1. if this blog is the north pole, the new blog will be the south pole.
2. if this blog is blue, the other one would be green.
3. if this blog is eat bulaga, the other would be wowowee.

OVER THE TOP AWARD

I cannot believe this blog won an award..

the

"most annoying blogger"

And I can't believe I'm doing this.

But since I was given an award..

Well I guess I'd have to do this.

First, I want to thank the

Girl With Glasses

who gave me this award.

Sometimes you just have to wonder, what if she takes her glasses off? Will her blog change its name automatically? I guess not, because we don't have that technology yet. And if you even thought of the answer, it only means you're stupid.

By accepting this award, few questions must be answered.
(Wow..I'm really doing this)

1. Your hair? Bushy..
   
2. Your Mother? Currently addicted to farmtown.
   
3. Your Father? Does not know about this blog.
   
4. Your favorite food? Sushi
   
5. Your dream last night? I had a boxing match with Krista Ranillo (I lost)
   
6. Your favorite drink? Water.
   
7. Your dream/goal? To be your reality check.
   
8. What room are you in? My command console center.
   
9. Your hobbies? Blogging and People watching.
   
10. Your fear? Chuck Norris.
    
11. Where do you want to be in 6 years? Inside your head.
    
12. Where were you last night? stayed up all night looking for UFOs.
    
13. Something that you aren't? A fan of twilight.
    
14. Muffins? No. I am not your cat.
    
15. Wish list item? Nuclear bomb.
    
16. Where did you grow up? Quezon City.
    
17. Last thing you did? Farted.
    
18. What are you wearing? Nothing...but clothes.
    
19. Your TV? Its colored.....black.
    
20. Your Pets? I got 3 Dogs and 3 Marsupials.
    
21. Friends? They love me..especially when Xmas is getting near.
    
22. Your Life? excitingly boring.
    
23. Your Mood? Hating on everything.
    
24. Vehicle? A big white horse.
    
25. Something you're not wearing? A bra...
    
26. Your favorite store? Any..with pretty sales ladies.
    
27. Your favorite color? Black and White.
    
28. When was the last time you laughed? When I saw this big guy carrying her GF's bag.
    
29. Last time you cried? When I thought of Chuck Norris.
    
30. Your best friend? Pandoy.
    
31. One place that I go to over and over? The washroom.
    
32. Facebook? Still thinking if I have to create an account for this blog.
    
33. Favorite place to eat? Table..with plates of course.
    

I am passing this award to the most educational blogger i have ever known...


JOBERT BALBASTRO!!

“The test of any man's character is how he takes praise”

I HATE SANTA CLAUS

I STILL HATE THE GUY IN RED!

No, I'm not talking about former president Ferdinand Marcos. Just like last year, the reasons still remain why I hate Santa Claus.


click HERE to go back in time.

i love my work

Just to add, here is another reason...

He is a perv.

sit still tommy..

Yes. Why would a stranger, an old guy who just appears only once a year obligate kids to sit on his lap just to get what they want?

People got mad at Michael Jackson and R. Kelly, but they never did complain about Santa.

Talk about being unfair.

CALLING DSWD and BANTAY BATA!

He cheats.

daddy is in saudi...

Ever wonder about the history of the song "I saw mommy kissing Santa Claus" came about? It did happen to the creator of the song, Tommie Connor. No, it was not his father..it was Santa. Yeah!


"Aren't we forgetting the true meaning of Christmas?
You know... the birth of Santa."

I hate it when you say "THE" Ateneo

FBI

WARNING

*Para sa mga hindi marunong magbasa, basahin ulit yung nasa itaas ha..basahin ng mabuti* Nabasa mo na yung title? naintindihan mo?
Kung hindi pa, basahin mo ulit... okay na? Understood na ba? Okay.. proceed below:

As per Wikipedia: The Ateneo de Manila University (also called "Ateneo de Manila" or simply "the Ateneo").

What is so simple in adding "the" before the name of your (to you, "the") school?

Common sense tells us that it's shorter and simpler if you just say "Ateneo" Who are we kidding?

ADMU is already a fine institution which has produced the finest leaders in our country...

ERAP and his best friends: Czarina Gloria Macapagal-Arroyo and Czaritso (sic) Mike Arroyo came from "the" Ateneo.

Jose P. Rizal is the most-famous and foremost Ateneo alumnus.

(o bawi ako ah!)

Beat that!
(You can't! Know why? Because your school does not have any "the" before it!)

***But by adding "THE" before the name of the school is like adding insult to injury. Just like what Wesley Gonzales did to that prick Mac Cardona back in the days when the Green Archer juggernaut got blocked 2 times in his attempt to win the game just before the buzzer.***

I use THE shampoo! And you don't!

So the question lingers:
Why add "THE" ???

Wala lang!

Just to separate "Us" from the rest of the population.

Heaven and earth
Pula at puti
Light and darkness
Eat Bulaga and Wowowee
and so on...

Jobert Balbastro thinks that it's crazy... simply, its "the" elitistic-ego-booster.

Let us analyze...

The statement 1: I am THE Man.

what it means:
1. Term used to describe an individual who holds authority over another, such as an employment supervisor or police officer.
2. Term used to describe an individual who has achieved either a great accomplishment, or who is viewed as being an altogether good person.

Translation: "You suck"

The Statement 2: "I study in THE Ateneo"

what it means: I study in the best damn school ever, which is Ateneo.

Translation: "You suck"

Okay, now I think you get the picture.

I just don't know where they got it. Even back in the 80's and even in the 90's, Ateneans did not put "The" before the name of the school.

I just hope they did not get it from the "rival" school "DLSU"

Guys, its NOT
"The La Salle University"
it's
"De La Salle University"

JOBERT BALBASTRO's VERDICT:
I HATE IT AND IT DOES NOT MAKE YOU COOL!

"Have you heard about "THE" joke?
Why is THE sky blue?
Because God is an Atenean
Why is THE grass green?
It is created by God to step on."

GLEE IS GAY

I HATE GLEE

Glee is defined as: malicious satisfaction.



I'd NEVER watch it, even if Megan Fox begs me to watch it with her in the nude.

I'm sorry Megan, you lost me at "Glee"

NEVER.

Factoids ala Joberto:

If you like GLEE, then there is a(n):

1. 86% probability that you can't sing nor dance so you just watch it on TV and pretend to be like them.

Jobert rules!

2. 92% probability that you'd brag this in your Facebook or twitter. I mean, c'mon..who cares? It will only make you stupid. Who the hell cares man?

3. 80% chance that you have copied the way they dress up and how the characters sing. Honestly, its annoying.

4. 95% chance you are also a copycat.

There goes the country...

5. 100% chance that you are GAY. And when I say gay, its not gleefully happy gay. It's "i love edward cullen and twilight and shark boy" kind of gay.

You "suck"

"Question: What's sicker than stepping on your own poo and loving it?

Answer: Watching glee with a smile on your face. "

I HATE TAYLOR SWIFT

I DON'T LIKE HER.

"kids"


TAYLOR SWIFT...

First of all, she's not a tailor...
she's pretending to be a singer.

Second, she's not swift. She's really (sloth) slow.

Even in facebook!!!


If she was really swift, she would have avoided...or at least made a big comeback on Kanye.

Swallows are swift. (don't get funny ideas)
Sometimes, justice is swift too.. (outside the P.I.)

But Taylor?

Duh...What's happening?


She's tailored to be slow...

"Let me repeat... I'm sorry, but Beyoncé had one of the best videos of all time! One of the best videos of all time!"

Halloween: I see DUMB people instead of DEAD people.

I HATE HALLOWEEN!

It's that time of the year AGAIN..when people can legally make themselves look stupid. NOT COOL!

It's the time of the year wherein people dress up to be ghosts, zombies, politicians, etc. NOT COOL!

It's that time of the year again, when you hear people say "HAPPY HALLOWEEN" wait...mejo i-analyze nga natin mabuti....NOT COOL!

That's what I don't get... Ano ba ang masaya or happy sa Halloween?
Yung mag costume ka? WEIRD!

Kids, let's analayze kung bakit "Happy" ang "Halloween":

1. Siguro nakuha yun sa mga Gay parade, kasi naka costume din sila..tapos diba, "Gay" also means happy?

Look! It's Mary Poppins!

2. By wearing costumes, may role-playing....Hmmmm....

Think before you do

3. Maybe its some sort of psychological therapy, parang make believe stuff. Like, you know that you'll never be like Superman or Spongebob, you'd dress up like them and for one night, people acknowledge you as the real deal. Parang ego boost na may kasamang schizophrenia.

4. Free candies, dahil walang pambili. No thank sa economy.

5. Legal mag make-up yung hindi makapag make-up. Lalo na yung mga "Metrosexuals". Ginamit pa yung term na yun, eh alam naman natin kung ano sila.

ulol cats

I just hate it when people celebrate this demonic stuff.

C'mon, it's the holiday of the enemy!

It's Satan's holiday!

And yet you, people celebrate it?
Nice, one way ticket sa dagat-dagatang apoy. haha!

No wonder your kid looks good in that devil costume..
LOL.

Man, Halloween is no treat..it's 100% trick.

(Treat sya sa nagbebenta ng costumes and nagbebenta ng candies)

I'm used to seeing people around me who make a fool out of themselves. Pero kapag Halloween, parang "stupid pa-cool-people convention."

"I think The Jehova's are the coolest people on earth... Jehovah's Witnesses do not celebrate Halloween because they believe anything that originated from a pagan holiday should not be celebrated by true Christians. Take that Pope Benedict!"


Bago nyo ako kulamin, basahin nyo tong "cool" link na nakita ko. Click HERE