I HATE Edward Cullen

Almost everyone in this planet loves and adores Edward Cullen. That is why the world will end in 2012...

You know what?
He is NOTHING!
He's got nothing with our very own PANDOY.

Here's one email I've seen being passed around and initially I find it gay and offensive. So I tweaked it and added "what-would-pandoy-do."

Edward Cullen and a Normal Guy....and PANDOY

A normal guy would say: “I love you Baby!”
Edward Cullen would say: “You are my life now.”
PANDOY says: "I love you" - no shit, no decorations just the real deal.

Normal Guy would say: “I think I am falling for you.”
Edward Cullen would say: “The Lion fell in Love with the Lamb”
PANDOY says: "Lions will eat lambs, how 'bout lamb chops for dinner?"

Normal Guy would say: “You hair looks like a haystack; go brush it!”
Edward Cullen would say: “Your hair looks like a haystack… but I like it.”
PANDOY says: "Your hair looks like a haystack...where is the needle?"

A normal guy would pick a random song from a random artist and dedicate it to you. Edward Cullen would sing you a song he wrote for you while playing the piano. PANDOY will accuse and file a case against Edward Cullen for plagiarism.

If you die, a normal guy would find another.
If you die, Edward Cullen would kill himself because life without you isn’t worth living.
If you die, PANDOY will resurrect you, because he can.

As you leave the house, a normal guy would say: “Bye, see ya!”
As you leave the house Edward Cullen would say: “Come back to me, love.”
As you leave the house, PANDOY would say: "Pasalubong!"

As you come back home, a normal guy would be watching TV and wouldn’t even notice. As you come back home, Edward Cullen would be welcoming you by playing the piano with a song just for you.
As you come back home, PANDOY would be welcoming you with a threesome partner.

A normal guy would wait for you to make him breakfast.
Edward Cullen would make you breakfast everyday.
PANDOY will not make you breakfast, he will make you lunch because you will be too tired due to passionate lovemaking the night before and you will wake up at lunch time.

While you are both out for dinner, a normal guy wouldn’t keep his eyes off the sexy waitress.
Edward Cullen wouldn’t even notice the waitress was a female.
PANDOY will be laughing and shouting "Edward Cullen is gay!"

A normal guy, while driving, would keep one hand on the wheel and one hand on the radio.
Edward Cullen, while driving, would keep one hand on the wheel and the other attached to yours.
PANDOY, will not drive because he is to fly to drive, he will be beside you at the backseat of his limousine. Stylin' and profilin' baby!

While far apart in different places, a normal guy would say: “I miss you.”
While far apart in different places, Edward Cullen would say: “It’s like you’ve taken half myself with you”
While far apart in different places, PANDOY would say: "webcam tayo mamaya 9pm ha?"

A normal guy wouldn’t care or notice if you had nightmares.
Edward Cullen would sing until your nightmares went away.
PANDOY would take action and call mang kepweng to take them away.

A normal guy does it with everyone.
Edward Cullen only does it with one.
PANDOY does it with he one who is with Edward Cullen when he is away.

A normal guy buys you flowers and chocolates.
Edward Cullen buys you a car.
PANDOY gives you 10 billion dollars.

Beat that you pale mutherf*%@&!

EDWARD CULLEN = FAIL!
PANDOY = WIN!
NORMAL GUY= claps for PANDOY!