I HATE BADMINTON

If there is one sport that I will never love nor play, it is Badminton. From the root word "Bad", it is really that bad. It's not a contact sport so it's automatically BORING. The only thing you really get in contact with is with the ShuttleCOCK, so this game is automatically considered "GAY".

quit clowning around!

It's official: BADMINTON IS GAY

2 become 1

It makes you look gay and makes you love cocks. Women are the only ones who should play this sport, unless they are lesbians, they should be cleaning carpets on weekends. When the badminton craze hit the country, I said "more cocks will be hit this year.." and it was true, an average of 50,000 hits happen in one night alone. From call center agents/slaves to Managers to Government employees, almost everybody (with an arm), play(ed) badminton.

Who wear short shorts?

Office encounter:

Employee 1: Pare, san ka punta? bakit may raketa ka? Magtetennis ka ba?
Employee 2: Dude, pare.. I'm going to play Badminton later. Sama ka, it's cool pare.
Employee 1: Ha? Di ako marunong nyan eh, basketball na lang. Chaka, paano naging cool ang badminton?
Employee 2: Basketball? Sawa na ako sa balls dude, it's time to play with cocks naman. It's a sport for sosy people, it's the "in" sport now. You get to hangout with big people like the managers and supevisors, even artistas pare...It's fully airconditioned naman kaya it's cool, dude.
Employee 1: Cool? Aircondition? (gago pala to eh..) So playing badminton make you sosy?
Employee 2: Of course, dude! Only the elite play badminton!
Employee 1: Oh..di ako pwede jan..chaka kelangan ko umuwi ng bahay ng maaga at baka makalimutan nanaman magluto ng katulong namen dahil sa paglalaro ng badminton sa labas ng bahay..
Employee 2: Ahh..err...pare you heard na ba about this new movie coming? Dude, yung Twilight!
Employee 1: That movie sucks man.. It only appeals to teen girls, and the actual ‘plot’ is really idiotic.
Employee 1: Umm, let's talk about the NBA na lang..

Big Cocks will rock you.

But who really made this sport popular?
TV exposure? NO. A Hollywood movie? NO. Eat Bulaga? NO. A book! Harry Potter plays Badminton! NO. Piolo Pascual? NO. Sam Milby! NO.

Then who?

It's your dependable, underpaid Maid/Helper/Katulong. Our maid was the best player in badminton in our subdivision. She plays with other katulongs after doing her chores. They play outside, in front of the house to the delight of Construction workers and "boys". The funny thing is, there is no such thing as a score. They end the game when they are called back by their employers to cook dinner or when it's too dark for them to see the cocks.

Even Badminton was played by 16th century maids

For women only indeed

Conclusion: Women are the only ones who should play Badminton, Men...please stay away..if you love cocks, go for sabong.

I HATE THE BORACAY SAND CASTLE

I HATE
THE BORACAY SAND CASTLE

I may be cute, but a destroyed sand castle is cuter!

99.97% of people who go to Boracay or have been to Boracay, have in their possession: The picture of The Famous Boracay Sand castle. Yes, the one you see inside your friend's myspace, friendster. multiply or facebook account.

We are cool!

Yes!
Your friend has this pic in his/her profile and that makes him/her cool.
NOT!

The white note reads: Do not touch...but it does not say, do not piss.

It's pathetic. Sand Castle...duh.
I'd rather spend my leisure time at the beach taking care of green turtles than making a sand castle. And don't ask for donations from people getting their picture taken with your errr house made out of sand!

Get a life! Go save some whales, dolphins or corals! Do not waste your time making castles!

Faster Ivanhoe! The barbarians are coming!

But wait, It's "THE" BORACAY SAND CASTLE!

So what?

Sorry to break the news, it's not special!

No kings nor queens, no prince charming, no knights, no maidens...NO MAIDENS!

No drawbridge, and possibly no moat with alligators swimming in it.

BORING.

Not like these works of art:

My Dad is gonna kill me......after he gets out.

CIA: Who smiles, dies.

So..Ibong Adarna is no legend after all.

I see my purpose..my mission for the coming months...
I'll go over there this summer, and I will bring my weapon of choice on how to destroy this castle.

There is no spoon...

and this is how I am going to do it.



Why? you ask me?

Because there is only ONE castle that belongs to the beach.
And this is "THE" Best Sandcastle I've ever seen.

World record: built in just less than a second.

So what's good about it?

THESE SAND CASTLES
ARE MADE TO BE DESTROYED!

When I grow up, I wanna be King Kong!

I'd rather juggle 3 live sea urchins while singing the macarena in public than be seen with this Boracay Sand Castle.

THERE IS ONLY ONE CASTLE
I RESPECT AND ADMIRE,
AND IT'S NOT A SAND CASTLE.

IT'S CAMELOT!

Sorry, this is not the one where Sean Connery aka. King Arthur bangs her wife Guinevere.

IF YOU DO NOT AGREE WITH ME,
I DO NOT CARE!!!
JUST LIKE THE REFEREE IN THAT
"the" ATENEO - DLSU UAAP FINALS.

I HATE SANTA CLAUS

HO HO HO!

I HATE SANTA CLAUS !

Watch out for Santa's hands!

I hate him because HE IS NOT REAL.

(Is that even possible? I remember.. I got this classmate who once said "I do not believe in God, but I believe in his words." ang galing diba?)

Anyway, I hate Santa mainly because he does not exist.

PARENTS..
WHY TEACH YOUR KIDS
SOMETHING THAT IS NOT TRUE?

(this will excempt parent lawyers, some religious leaders and politicians)

It was Daddy you saw kissing Santa and not Mommy.

Shame on you..tsk tsk tsk....

Be a good boy! or you won't have presents from Santa this Christmas!

(According to studies made by Wanbol University, blackmail using Santa Claus is effective among kids)

When I grow up and have kids, I will tell my kids that:

(got this for P150 in ebay.ph)

Yes, I do not want them to live a lie.
The world is already full of it, why contribute?

Ahh pot-bellied Santas raiding the metro! Coming this December!

My reasons?

1. My kids will be free of debt during their childhood.

Remember before when you were like Grade 1 you would debate with your classmates about the existence of the man in red? Then one fat classmate of yours will go "If I can prove that Santa is not real, akin palage ang baon mo everyday!" --This is why I will prevent myself from wondering why my son is so StarvinMarvin-thin even if I already gave him a liter of Combantrin. (yes, it rhymed)

No chimney, No presents.

2. My kids will be free of debt when they grow up.

Yes, the "baon everyday" will evolve into "1 million pesos". I do not want some gun totting 30 year old guy, going in front our our house shouting "Magbayad ka ng utang mo! Hindi totoo si Santa! Lumabas ka diyan!"

--I'll save my family from shame. Imagine, I corrupted the mind of my own son..my own blood, lying to them all these years and telling them that a fat guy, in a red suit riding this sleigh pulled by reindeers with their leader named Rudolfo Reynoso with a red clown nose leading the way gives gifts during xmas eve by going thru the chimney even if we do not have one. I will have to lie that we have a chimney....I cannot take that.

Subas Herrero/Minyong inspired Santa

3. My kids will be free of disrimination and torture:

My kids will not be ganged up by Santa non-believers..yes it happens. Believers get isolated and they get ridiculed for believing in Santa. You do not believe me? read below:

This is a transcript from my dog's favorite rapper, Andrew E. this is his song entitled "Walang Santa Claus " which basically reveals his dark childhood:

"Minsan ako ay nasa eskwela,
oh yeah Kasama ko ang barkada
Kami'y nagkukuwentuhan
Lahat ay masaya
Kasi Pasko malapit na Christmas parties at mga regalo
Naaalala ng barkada ko
And so I said, "Nakalimutan n'yo Si Santa Claus na aking paborito"
Napasigaw silang lahat,
"Andrew, Ikaw ba'y nilalagnat Tol, hindi siya totoo Simbolo lang siya ng Pasko
Si Santa Claus ay kathang-isip Para sa mga batang maliit"
Ako'y binara ng aking ka-eskwala "Santa Claus! ha ha ha patawa ka"

okay stop bopping your head.

TRUTH HURTS
BUT IT WILL SET YOU FREE... KIDS, THERE IS NO SANTA CLAUS

(if your parents insist, make a lifetime bet on it, say a 35% increase in allowances every year, and get it retroactively once they confess that Santa is not real, then give me a measly 10% of it okay?)

No presents for lil Tommy this Christmas

I HATE YOUR SHUTTER SHADES!!!

Shutter Shades is the next stupidest fad/"fashion statement" I have ever seen, next to getting your collar popped..







First, it does not make you cool, it makes you look like something else.. (CLUE: D_MB)




Second, when you drive and when you walk, you can't even see the road!!!
What is the point?
The point is..you are stupid.



Third, they were only cool when they were first released (80's), just like the Eraserheads.(errr..90s)

Fourth, it makes you look like her.

A SLUT

ONLY KANYE WEST IS LEGAL TO WEAR
SHUTTER SHADES.

HE MAKES THEM LOOK COOL

AND YOU ARE NOT KANYE WEST.

I HATE YOUR SYNCHRONIZED JUMPING PHOTOS

First of all, it does not make you look cool.

sorry, no nipple slips here.

Second, it's not fun.

simply stupid

Third, you look stupid.

after 10 minutes, they got married.

So you honestly think that capturing the moment of yourself while in mid-air is cool?
Sorry to break the news, it's not.
Funny thing is, people do this mostly on the beach, they think it's legal to look like retards while vacationing.

It's so sickening that I'd rather put live jellyfish all over my body. Bottomline: It's not cool, it's not legal, it's not acceptable, it's not normal and it does not even match up to the "jumping pictures" that I consider cool.

Check them out, ignoramuses:

This is what everyone should witness

Mario is the jumping master, fool!

So next time you plan on doing this stupid stuff in public, think twice...or better yet, have a rope and get ready and do this:

I HATE SEEING YOUR "V" SIGN

I absolutely hate it when I see you put up a "V" sign. You do not have to put this up, I know how the letter "V" looks like. And like you, I also know how to count to two (The big difference is I can count to 30...without blinking my eye). Whenever I see people put up this sign, they make me want to cut off my fingers and feed it to Pinky, the resident askal.


It sickens mo to the gut...to the bone..whenever I see people take pictures showing off their "V" sign.

Wait...where did this all come from? This is not like some mushroom that sprung from a prostitute's ass... Do not fret, as the most educational blog has finally uncovered it's origin for people like you.*

A little bit of V sign history*:

During the 1972 Winter Olympics in Sapporo, figure skater Janet Lynn stumbled into Japanese pop culture when she fell during a free-skate period—but continued to smile even as she sat on the ice. (she did not break her neck) Though she placed only 3rd in the actual competition (loser), her cheerful diligence and indefatigability resonated with many Japanese viewers, making her an overnight celebrity in Japan. (her boob popped out that's why!)

Read my lips: "I can do everything I want!"

Afterwards, Lynn was repeatedly seen flashing (NOT HER BOOBS) the V sign in the Japanese media. Though the V sign was known of in Japan prior to Lynn's use of it there (from the post-WWII Allied occupation of Japan), she is credited by some Japanese for having popularized its use in amateur photographs.

Through the 1970s and 1980s in Japan, the V sign was often accompanied by a vocalization: "piisu!" This gairaigo exclamation, which stood for "peace"*, has since fallen into disuse, though the V sign itself remains steadfastly popular.

I have two gaps in my mouth-classic V sign make sure it hits your cheek

Perhaps due to Japanese cultural influence,(which also includes: suicide, shinto, sushi, hentai and Sho Kosugi) the V sign in photographs has become popular with young Koreans, Hong Kongers, Taiwanese and Aliens as well.

The classic V alongside the eyes

V-sign in photographs has its origins from the Allied Occupation of Japan.(Not by Godzilla, but by Americans)

This V-sign of course meant "for victory," and the American and Allied occupation forces used this sign frequently, hence, the Japanese adopted this gesture into their culture - probably thinking this was a common gesture.

I have 2 broken teeth and 2 days to live.

This is also my understanding of how the gesture was introduced into Japanese culture.

Nowadays it's just considered "something you do when your photo is taken."
---A classic case of SGC or Social Groupie Syndrome.

probably the most popular V sign in the world

Now for Filipinos, it's either you're a Marcos Loyalist or just a plain copy cat.

Raise up those V signs or I will make you ride a bike around the elliptical road 200 times!

Anyway, I have a sign for all you people who have this habit of putting up a V sign every time you get photographed.

Here it is:

ENJOY! ;)

* V-sign obsessed moron

* from wikipedia and other sources
* it really means "I'm gay and I hump a tree!"

I HATE "ÜBER "

I am sick and tired of seeing and hearing people using and abusing the word "ÜBER". It makes me want to put honey all over my nude body and go the zoo and punch a big grizzly bear in the face.

These people don't even know what it means, do you know what it means? Of course you don't! You conniving-ignorant-social groupie!

Let me educate ye about this overly used and abused word. (the internet will educate you through me, I'll be an instrument of education. (call me Mr. Sesame Street later...)

The word "ÜBER" comes from Germany, yes the country that was made famous by Mr. Adolf Hitler, Michael Schumacher, German Franks, Beer and the Red Baron.

What does it mean:
It means "above" in German. Delivered in the groupie world during the early 80's by an American punk band, called The Dead Kennedys when using the term in the anti-Californian government song "California Uber Alles", which is a take off the German motto of "Deustchland Uber Alles", which translates to "Germany above all."

Originally meant to be "above" or "over" now, it has been mutated to mean "really" , "very" or "super".

So when you see people use this word, like when TV hosts blurt it out on TV: “Pinoy Big Brother Celebrity Edition 2, ÜBER!” you can now shout in front of the TV and say "Bitch! You don't even know what it means!" Plus you can add "Fuck, because of this, I have to read this very educational blog just to know what you mean by the word uber!"

*Reseach: 98% of Filipinos think that the word Über is actually bisaya for "over". Makes you want to think about when people blurt out "Magtagalog ka, wag ka mag German.." Hmm, is Adolph Hitler really the son of Jose Rizal? Why do they have the similar haircut?

The Answer:

NO, stupid. Hitler is an Austrian, later became a German after drinking beer. Plus you can see in the picture that Jose Rizal does not have any moustache! Hello?


Going back... (mejo nahilo ako dun ha), Using the word "Über" will not make you "cool" or "in". It will NOT make you look like Mariel Rodriguez.


So stop using the Überly used Über because I will have to Überly break your neck and I will have to Überly stomp on your Überly ugly face.

Because I Überly hate it!!! Okay?


I hope you Überly understood.

YOU LOVE JAMES YAP! I HATE JAMES YAP!

Yes, I hate James Yap.

You love him because he is gwapo and he is a talented basketball player;
I hate him because he is the epitome of "hype" and the "media's conditioning".

OVERRATED!

You love him because he had "Hope"
I hate him because he got caught with "Hope"! haha!

(thank you PEP for the image, I do not hate you....yet.)

I hate James Yap because he is called the Big Bird
I hate James Yap because there is only one Big Bird!

This post is brought to you by the Letter "H". Which coincidentally starts with the word "Hope, Hoe and Harlot"

You love him because he is your MVP. I hate him because he won the award with some "little help" from his wife. You love him because he is Kris Aquino's husband. I hate him because he is Kris Aquino's husband. You love him because he is a better basketball player than anyone in the league. (debatable! I think Mark Andaya is the best PBA player right now)
I hate him because he runs faster than me!
You love him because he kicks good. I hate him because he runs good!

See James Run

You love James Yap because you think he is the ICON of the PBA. I hate James Yap because there will be a new logo for the PBA.

This new logo kicks ass!

I hate James Yap that I'd rather watch Tasya Fantasya, Payaso and Last 2 minutes for a whole month inside a dark room with Madame Auring serving me popcorn....in the nude.