I don't like the house in the movie "UP"

I FEEL DOWN WHEN I SEE THIS HOUSE

Mom..can I pee on the clouds?

If you have seen the movie "UP" then you know what I mean. I'm not impressed with that house in the movie.

Here are my reasons:

1. It's crappy and it's old so it breaks easily- When it hit rocks it was like chopping wood. Pieces would fall and fly off. It was crazy. I'd never ride that kind of a flying residence.

10,000 condoms were used in this film

2. It may look funny, but it's not really entertaining - Hohoho.. balloons make it fly. DUH! One match...one match can ruin it all. Or one bb gun, or one slingshot. Verdict: WEAK.

"I counted the balloons! 10,000!"

3.It does not kick ass - No weapons. No shield. No monsters in the attic. It doesn't even have a computer in it. No phone. No internet. No cable. No bathtub. It's CRAZY.


Better and/or alternative houses:

The Flying house - It's faster. It has a time machine. It's fire proof and is also shock proof. People living in it banged with the hebrews, chilled with jesus, fished with the apostles and saw Adam and Eve naked. Now beat that old house.

Thunder does not scare Corky.

Monster house - No more pesky electrolux guy to bother you. No kids who sing xmas carols even if it's like a month away. No solicitation from village kids who don't have enough money to buy their own basketball uniforms. This house protects itself. No need for a guard dog. This house kicks (and eats) ass.

"The only house that needs tictacs."

Whorehouse - No explanation needed..as this house licks ass....I mean kicks ass.

"Welcum!"

"A room is a still a room, even when there's nothin' there but gloom
But a room is not a house and a house is not a home. When the two of us are far apart. And one of us has a broken heart.... Okay I think I need to stay away from the videoke."

I HATE IT WHEN YOU STEP ON THAT YELLOW TILE

I hate it when you
step on the yellow tile in the MRT.

I'm bad(ing)ass! I break rules!

Not because I care for you, (it won't happen) but because its a green light for the guard to blow his horn...err..whistle, and for the stupid recording (yeah to warn stupid people like you NOT to step on the yellow tile!) to go on and on and on like that energizer bunny.

What will happen if I kick this guy?

"Maybe they're hardcore Marcos loyalists...as they have fun stepping on anything that's colored yellow---That one liner is so corny that I want to jump off the tracks...not!"

I HATE THE WAY YOU WAY YOU WEAR YOUR CAP

Do you wear your cap like this?

If you wear your cap like that, then screw you..haha! kidding.. don't worry that much, you still have a chance to save your life. A 1 in a million chance, but that's better than nothing.

There are 3 things you can do:

1. Read a book - Yes, stop malling, stop slacking, stop hustlin` and start reading. What book? One should start reading the book that will be useful, a book that will help you with your life. Do not read "Purpose driven life", it's a ripoff. One should be reading "How to wear a cap for dummies" or "How not to make a fool out of yourself".


2. Be a train engineer - Only train engineers are allowed to wear hats like that. GO and apply in PNR now!

Mom, it's legal to wear this stupid hat!

3. Wear a dunce cap - It's cool and unique. At least you won't be an eye sore...and you can even use the pointed hat as a weapon. ONLY COOL PEOPLE WEAR THIS CAP! So go for it!

I'm the coolest!

"As you can see..I wear my cap properly! And hell yes, I can rhyme too!"

I HATE THOSE 2010 POLITICAL ADS!

2010 Presidentiable wannabes:

I HATE YOUR POLITICAL ADS!

Damn I hate that Mar Roxas political Ad!

Who do they think they are fooling?

Those are theater actors! Well, some of 'em.

If you want to make an ad "realistic", use REAL people!

Gayahin nyo si National Artist Carlo J. Caparas! HAHA!

Topless with my hardtop down..cruisin...

I wonder who your campaign manager is...just wondering, I do not want to be him or her.
Just like his commercial before,
"Mr Palengke"-- the fat lady there is a theater actress!

I feel insulted by the commercial.

It's like getting bukakked with stupid.

Typical Trapo commercial... Drama shit, Full of BS..

Hey, MAR.. I'M SICK OF IT. The style?
Use what I call "The Filipino Weakness" So what is it?

It's old people, and a small kid and drama in a palengke setting.

Parang Wowowee lang.

"Wag kayo matakot..Lalaban tayo..."
What a stupid tagline.

Better taglines for him include:
"Kung corrupt ka, ikukulong kita!" or this:

"PUTANG INA!"

shocked

If you feel his political ad strikes you and touches your heart....
then I pity you.

May Zeus' lightning strike you...in the ass.

I said ass...not head...mmmm...ass..

Damn Trapo...

Speaking of TRAPO...

How about Manny Villar's commercial?
It's too orangey for me.

Kala ko Sunkist commercial eh.

eto po ang Aga Muhlach ng Tondo..

I like his Voltes V commercial more.

The new one he has...well "akala ko maganda..ang panget pala!"

the style?

Target the youth, use a song from a band. And use the color orange.
And then add a little "that's my boy" pose.

Sorry, you won't get my vote...

Unless reroute a hi-way en to our home so we can get paid..just like you did. =) Damn..you missed my house by this much!

Why can't his commercials be like..err..Bayani Fernando's?

maginoo pero mejo bastos

BORING!
BUT STRAIGHT TO THE POINT!

HOHOHO!

Roll out!

WHERE THE HELL IS EDDIE GIL WHEN YOU NEED HIM?!

Winning tagline: "Babayaran ko ang utang ng Pilipinas"

"I don't know what to say...I'm too distracted..Damn that Lady Gaga..."

I HATE SANTINO - "May Bukas Pa"

I hate the kid...and the show...

Okay, I'll make up reasons why I hate the kid and the show.

1. His mouth is bigger than mine! - Chicks dig this, and I guess Santino beat me to the punch.

say "MANNA!"

2. When we take a vote on what to watch, I always lose..People at home want to watch this crap. I'm still praying for the day the character dies together with the show.Ventriloquist... NOT

3. It's a ripoff, yes he will die just like the original film they copied it from. "MARCELINO" wow...how original..haha!

he dies in the end, goes to heaven END OF STORY..now let me watch!

4. His name is too unique and bad ass!

Who names their kids ZAJIAN?

5. He attracts the finest women!!!

Partida na yan..supot pa yan.

"Jobert, you really have issues..this kid is so angelic...so innocent...so adorable and lovable! I think I love him already! Oh noh..I'm having my Michael-Jackson-syndrome again!"

I HATE THOSE "HEART" SHAPES

Heart sign.... Really now.. I thought the V sign and the star signs were disasters never to be outdone..but damn, I was wrong..

Parang TV shopping... "BUT WAIT, THERE'S MORE!"

Damn.

You'll never see me do this. I'd rather pull out my own heart, feed it to my dog than to be seen making heart shapes using my hands.

This is not cool. Nor it is human to do such an act. Emos do this. It's that simple.

okay..nasira na ang araw ko...

Also, you know why this ain't cool?

Reason: It's not even the REAL shape of a heart. If you want to be do something, do it right.

Plus I hate emo kids. Have to liquidate at least one orc a week.

Those damn orcs!

There are only 2 signs accepted by Jobert Balbastro and this blog:

Spock says: Spock you!

"Have a nice day" salute

"Humans are really creative! I only use my finger in picking my nose and when I finger my keyboard. Heck, that's the only thing I can get my fingers on...I love my keyboard."

MAY POLL RESULTS

I know it's not 2010. But here is a poll we made for you guys and girls.

Last poll was:

WHO IS THE GAYEST OF THEM ALL?

WINNER: Men who wear popped collars 45%

"I'm cool...like Piolo Pascual cool"

Other votes:
Men who watch Gossip girl 31%
Men who carry handbags 18%
Men who wear pink shirts 1%

For a total of 100% and obviously, men who do them are indeed and considered as such.



"Unlike the National or Local May polls that we have, this one is fraud free!"




PS. Watch out for the next poll....

I HATE THE JONAS BROTHERS

My dog scribbled this on my computer.

Why hate on the Jonas Brothers?

1. They are not better than the Hanson brothers. Never. MMbop will never be outdone by any of their songs.

2. Because I`m not a pre-teen or a teen. I`m an adult...a cool adult.

3. They sing like girls..it would be okay to sing like girls, however, they are boys.

4. Just like Lebron James and Dwayne Wade, they are mere corporate puppets. Like it or not, they are what we call, teen commodities. Teen Money makers who do not have brains of their own.

5. They are fake. Faker than Milli Vanilli.

cocks

6. They are like the "Twilight" of music. All hype. Overrated. All bark and no bite. All pita bread, no shawarma beef.

7. A disgrace to Rock whenever they claim to be doing rock.

8. A disgrace to Pop. Imagine that.

9. Money before music = disaster.

10. Once separated, they are trash.

11. All image, talent..lacking.

12. Give them a few years, and the drugs/sex scandals/alcohol/crime will get the best of them. Guaranteed.

13. They sing like Miley Cyrus. Have you heard Miley Cyrus live? She demolished the song "Just stand up" together with real talented singers like Mary J Blige, Beyonce, etc. Expect the worst from these brothers.

14. They have this clean image..too clean if you ask me. It`s guaranteed FAKE. No thanks to Disney.

15. THEY ARE NOT HOT. And give it 10-15 years..at least one of them will go out the closet.

Just like Russell Brand would say: "Well done the Jonas Brothers. Each wear a ring to say they are not going to have sex; I'd take them more seriously if they wore it around their genitals."

why do they have their mouths wide open? damn!

HYPOCRITES

And what do we do to Hypocrites? We let them get beat up by one of our own... Introducing: HARVEY

Hello, my name is Harvey and I`m here to introduce my left and right to the Jobarns Brothers. I hate them because they are so cute. But, there can only be one. And that is me. Harvey the Hard one. This could be the first and last time you will see me here as I will be busy beating up the Jobarns brothers and be busy cleaning up septic tanks. Thank you for having me here.

XOXO,
Harvey. =)

"I therefore conclude..Listening to the Jonas brothers or Taylor Swift and even Miley Cyrus is deadlier compared to the Swine Flu or being trapped inside a closed room with a goat. If you have one of their songs in your I-pod or walkman, please do remove it right away."

I HATE THE THINGS YOU SAY

Garbage..simply garbage...yes, like that April boy Regino tape you bought, just like the tickets from an LA Lopez concert you kept. I hate garbage. Lalo na yung garbage that comes out from one's mouth... Sabi sa Bible...

Matthew 15:16-18

"¹⁶"Are you still so dull?" Jesus asked them. ¹⁷"Don't you see that whatever enters the mouth goes into the stomach and then out of the body? ¹⁸But the things that come out of the mouth come from the heart, and these make a man 'unclean.'" --- I just had to connect..forgive me for that..haha..

Here are some words you hear, mmmm.. probably use just to make you sound or look cool:

"(i)STEADY LANG"

Ex. Man in Barong: "Musta summer mo pre?" Man in rags: "Steady lang pre..steady lang.."

This phrase is usually heard when you ask "Kumusta?" or "Whassup?" A simple "Okay lang" would do, but no..they HAD to come up with this. Steady what? why? where? Stupid.

"GOOD VIBES MAN..GOOD VIBES.."

Ex. (Stoned "dude" liking what he is seeing): "Good vibes pare...Good vibes!"

Either you hear this when someone is really stoned or drunk or when someone just wants to stand out from the crowd and sound "cool". * Just like my friend Marky would say "Good Vibes" my ass...if i punch you in the face would you call that "good vibes"?...hehe

"I KNOW, RIGHT!"

Ex. Stupid Student 1: "Man, the exam was really hard man.." REALLY Stupid Student 2: "I know, right! It`s harder than cement."

You know what? Shut the hell up. Usually heard in Starbucks where girls talk about stupid nothings or in any classroom wherein you are in the vicinity of a Fil-AM (Feeling American) or Amboy (Amoy Baboy).

"O-M-G!"

Ex. "O-M-G! It's the Jonas Brothers!"

Usually heard all over the place. Short for "Oh My God!" Typing it is acceptable, yeah I can tolerate that..but blurting it out with such fervor is not. Aartehan mo pa ba ang salita mo kapag mahuhulog na sa bangin ang kotse mo? What`s next? P-T-J? "Patay Tayo Jan"?


Next on this blog...The Jonas Brothers.

"O-M-G! I'm so excited! WTF? That's not Goldberg! PTJ!"

Preview of things to come....

"Jobert (the owner of this magnificent and educational blog site is my best friend... Even if I do not agree with some of his beliefs and ideas, he is still a friend indeed. Actually, he is more like my brother. Not the Cain and Abel type of relationship, but it`s more like the Vic Sotto and Tito Sotto kind of relationship a third member of our brotherhood will be introduced soon. But I must warn you, he is dangerous and violent.... Speaking of brothers... Jobert has mentioned to me that there is this group of "brothers" who think they are cool and is currently making Curly, Larry and Moe look bad..imagine that! Even Mario and Luigi are threatened... Alvin, Simon and Theodore are already digging holes. THIS MUST STOP! With the help from my "brother" Jobert, we will be telling you who they are..and why we hate them!" (Enter suspense music here)